It's official, sports fans: the Kansas City Chiefs, professional powder-puff football champions, will win no more than four games this year. Disagree with me? Well, you're deceived, and probably willingly.
Year in, year out, the Chiefs are always overrated. This is a credit to the fans of two small market teams (Chiefs and Royals) who love their hometown sports, to a fault. It's never bad to support the home team; in the internet/ESPN era, we could use a few more homers (I'm sick of seeing Cardinals hats at the KC/St. Louis game). However, these Chiefs homers are almost insufferable.
Almost.
The only reason they aren't entirely insufferable is that they are masochistic. They love pain. Every year the same talk starts: will the Chiefs make the playoffs? Inevitably, many fans work their hopes up into a frenzy, a frenzy that doesn't allow them to see what the team on the field is truly capable of.
Add to the mix the fact that an overachieving 2010 team made the playoffs (I would argue with anyone that the Chiefs of last year were one of the most overrated, flukish (it's a word) teams to make the playoffs). Want evidence we didn't belong? We made Joe Flaco look like John Elway, and the Ravens kicked our asses AT HOME.
This may be the scariest part of the equation. The Chiefs, traditionally speaking, have never been a team to lose at home. Since the Haley era began, this has become an alarming reality. The Chiefs fans (deceived as they may be) love their live football at Arrowhead Stadium. Through many mediocre seasons, the Chiefs managed to do one thing: keep the crowd energized through exhilarating home victories over division rivals such as the Broncos and Raiders.
Now we can't even beat the Bills at home.
Not only can the Chiefs not beat the Bills, but the Bills quite literally BEAT on them. The Chiefs looked like a team that had given no serious attention to practice during the preseason.
Maybe that's because they didn't. Todd Haley (who should be fired for 1. being a bad coach, and 2. being a jerk) used some unconventional methods this preseason to prepare his players. Were they unprepared? Yep. Unenthusiastic? Yep. Lethargic? Yep. Confused? Without a doubt.
Throw in the fact that the Bills' Chan Gailey (the offensive coordinator that was fired by newcomer Haley in his first year) destroyed the Chiefs through a brilliantly executed game plan/offensive scheme, and this win becomes embarrassing.
Couple that with the fact that the 41-7 loss is the second worst home loss in franchise history, and well, you've got a pro-football tragedy...a tragedy that's only beginning to unfold.
Should Todd Haley be fired? Yep.
Should Chiefs fans be surprised? Absolutely not. Welcome to the future, Chiefs fans.
Speaking of the future, let's do a little speculation.
Considering that the Chiefs lost more games than they won on the road, let's see how an inferior 2011 team stacks up against a very difficult road schedule.
Detroit: Loss, due to we suck on the road and couldn't beat the Bills at home. Lions look like playoff contenders thanks to Chiefs.
Patriots: Loss, as Cassell returns to his home sideline, only to watch as Tom Brady (and his beautiful hair) score no fewer than 60 points on a lethargic and frostbitten Chiefs defense.
Colts: Loss, as Kerry Collins looks like he's ten years younger and 1,000 times more talented, thanks to Chiefs defense and incapable offense. T. Hali has fifteen sacks on Collins in 47-3 loss.
Jets: Loss. Is Sanchez the next coming of Broadway Joe? You'd think so, due to Rex Ryan eats Todd Haley and focuses evil, lard-fueled energy into Sanchez's throwing arm.
Bears: Loss. The Chiefs freeze to death, marking the biggest sports tragedy since the Heat's surprising loss to the Mavs.
AFC West: Loss, Loss, Loss, Loss. Have I mentioned we're not good on the road, that the Broncos function better with less air, the Raiders fans will shoot at us, and the Chargers have the highest ranking offense of 2010?
At home, we will steal all four division games, god help us. That accounts for four wins, and only four. Not to mention we host the Steelers and Packers at home. We're so freaking dead. And we will, mark my words, be the turning point in no less than three careers this year: Kerry Collins, Reggie Bush, and Donovan McNabb.
Now all we need to do, Chiefs fans, is play "Start Me Up" by the Stones and kill ourselves. It's going to be that kind of year.
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